When someone we love dies, it is always painful. It doesn’t matter what stage of life they were at – loss leaves a deep mark on everyone who knew and loved them.
Naturally, families want to honour and celebrate the person who has died in the most fitting way possible. But what does that look like today? With so many choices now available, how do you know what’s right? As a funeral celebrant working in York and North Yorkshire, I’m often asked these questions.
Funerals are changing, offering families more choice, flexibility, and possibilities. In this blog, I’ll explore how funerals are evolving, and why having conversations about wishes in advance can make all the difference.
Having the conversation – my stories
Muriel
This is also something I’ve recently experienced in my own family. My dear mum, Muriel – a lively, active 88-year-old – had a serious heart attack which has left her with life-limiting health issues. In the weeks that have followed, we’ve had the chance to talk about her wishes for her funeral. Mum has lived in the same village all her life and has always been deeply connected to the church. I naturally assumed she would want to be buried alongside my father in the churchyard.
To my surprise, she told me she would like a green burial. Her wish is to rest beneath a tree in one of our local green burial sites – honouring her lifelong love of nature. This completely took me aback, and it made me realise how important it is to truly know our loved ones’ wishes rather than simply assuming.
Muriel in brighter days
Richard
That conversation also sparked another one – with my husband Richard. A lifelong music lover, his main priority wasn’t the manner or place of burial at all, but the music he wants played at his funeral (and I now have this list safely stored away).
By contrast, my first husband Steve died suddenly. We had never had the chance to discuss his wishes, and I found arranging his funeral and burial incredibly difficult – a conversation would have made all the difference.
Funeral Directors and their role
What these experiences have shown me is this: funerals are as individual as the people they honour. They begin with the essential guidance of Funeral Directors, who will always be there to support you with the practicalities. But knowing your loved one’s wishes in advance – and having that conversation while there’s still time – can make all the difference when the time comes.
So -What Are Your Options?
Pre-paid Funeral Plans
If your loved one has already arranged a pre-paid funeral plan, you can take comfort in knowing everything will be taken care of according to their wishes. It removes much of the stress at an already difficult time.
Religious Ceremony
If a traditional religious service in a church feels right, your Funeral Director will liaise with the place of worship on your behalf.
Crematorium
Cremation remains a popular choice. The ceremony can take place at the crematorium and be led by a minister, pastor, vicar – or a Celebrant. Funeral Directors usually have a number of Celebrants they work with and will suggest one they feel suits the family best. But you can also choose a specific Celebrant yourself – perhaps someone whose service you’ve attended before and felt a real connection with.
Green Burial
Green burials are growing in popularity. My mum, for example, has asked to rest at a beautiful woodland site near York – Home – The Memory Tree Co. This type of burial honours both simplicity and a love of nature – a choice that’s deeply personal and often surprising.
A Short Funeral Followed by a Memorial or Celebration
Another increasingly common choice is a small, private cremation followed later by a memorial or celebration of life.
Brenda
Some friends of mine chose this for their mother Brenda, who reached the wonderful age of 100. Only immediate family attended the crematorium, but a few months later they held a big celebration at Brenda’s beautiful home. Surrounded by the friends who had supported them as the looked after Brenda in her last years, they played Brenda’s favourite music, shared memories, and watched a photo reel of her life while sipping her favourite tipple. It was a heartfelt and joyful way to honour her life after the first raw waves of grief had passed.
Celebrant Led Funeral
Whatever option you choose, it’s very likely you will have a celebrant-led funeral. As a celebrant in York and North Yorkshire, my colleagues and I work closely with Funeral Directors to make sure families feel supported. Our role is to ensure that your loved one’s life is celebrated in a way that feels personal, meaningful, and true to their wishes
Denise’s Take
How much easier would all of this be if those wishes had already been discussed?
I know – it’s not an easy conversation. In fact, it may be one of the hardest. But I promise you, it’s worth it. You might be surprised by what your loved one really wants. I certainly was with my mum.
When the time comes, you’ll have the comfort of knowing you are carrying out their wishes – exactly as they would have wanted. And if they were able to look down on their own funeral, they’d probably be smiling and thinking, “Yes – that’s me. Job done!”
Final Thoughts
Every funeral is unique – because every life is unique. The most important thing is that it feels right for you and honours your loved one in the way they would have wanted.
If you’d like to explore the options, talk through your ideas, or simply have someone to listen, I’d be honoured to help. Through Ever After & Beyond, I support families across York and North Yorkshire to create funerals and memorials that are true, personal, and meaningful. Take a look at my funeral page for more information.